Reality is what we have in this life. We cannot escape from it. We can run from it but we will meet it yet again, and even sooner than expected. We can hide from it only to realize that we were just escaping the back door just to meet it in the open. It is with us every day and it is not going anywhere. We have to face reality head-on other than escape or run away from it.
WAYS OF FACING REALITY
Live your life as you, no matter what.
What is your greatest desire in life? What do you wish to do every day? Who are you and do you behave like you every day? These questions have to do with one’s identity. No matter who you are, not all will like you. Nevertheless, you will have others who like you.
The question is
“Must you change yourself to please those who don’t like you? “
You must certainly not do that. Normally, when people don’t like you, it is because you don’t meet their expectations. Must you then shrink yourself, lose yourself, and change your identity, just to please that group of people? That will be suicidal and an unfree way to live. You will be virtually alive, but in reality dead.
Because you will be living other people’s lives, but not yours. You may win their applause, meet their expectations and earn their favor, but you will lose yourself.
Ask yourself “ Is the approval of others more important than my true self? “
Instead of shrinking oneself into darkness, show yourself as you. You will make friends, and others may not like you; but you are an original, unique and one of a kind person, and there is no one like you. This is the reality you must face and don’t escape it by becoming a second-hand.
Life is not your super- angel
Many people enter the world believing life owes them a gold medal, a crown, a throne and everything. Please, life does not owe us anything. It is the meaning we make out of life that matters.
Consider person A, he enters the world but he is in a strange environment. His father is an armed robber and his mother is a seller on the streets. He grows up lacking fatherly care and in the end, his father is killed. He stays with his mother but when he completes a Junior High School, his mother dies. Must he blame life and say that life has betrayed him?
What do you think he should do. At this juncture, it is left to him to make meaning out of everything that has happened and this is his choice to make. He can choose to see life as ugly, not worth living and thus end his life. He can also see life as challenging or daring and decide to strive and thrive to be successful other than giving in to the hard knocks of life.
He can also decide to take the easy and useless way of life by joining a gang to engage in armed robbery. At this juncture, it was the meaning he made out of what life threw at him that mattered, and not what life did. Don’t put your hopes on life to make meaning for you. Make meaning for yourself and let it be a positive one. This is where some rise and others fall. Remember that life owes you nothing, that is facing reality.
Doing right does not mean gaining recognition
One must learn to accept the reality that doing right does not mean one will be recognized. Otherwise, doing right will lose its value and essence. Doing right must in itself offer one the greatest satisfaction on its own. Doing the right thing to be recognized makes recognition the main goal which is unhealthy.
No wonder many people do away with doing right because they are not or no more recognized. That is not doing right, that is recognition seeking. Others do a lot of things that appeal to people for the sake of recognition, which is never right. We must learn the reality that doing right may not earn a reward, yet we must do the right anyway.
Being first does not mean anything
We must strive to accept this reality that life is not a competition and being first means nothing. We are alive as social beings and we are to aid each other thrive. Seeing life as competition will dampen our focus. We may behave like the moon during the eclipse and try to hide other’s shine just so that we will project our ego and make it to the top.
But at the end of it all, we will be unhappy even at the first position. When life is competition; we become cold deserters instead of warm friends; we might willingly destroy a relationship just to prove we are in the right; we might not aid a fellow, just to make sure that he does not pass us in the race of life. But at the end of it all, feeding the ego will not make us happy. It is by thriving as we are that will make us shine as the sun and being a warm friend and helpful to another and society that will make happy beings.
Not all relations have a sweet taste
We must face this harsh reality that some relations may have a sour taste. This may not be a fault of ours though. One can be betrayed or become deeply hurt by another person. In the end, the person may have to cut off the ties that bind the relationship. However, entering another relationship with the wounds from the past is suicidal. It leads to suspicion where there is no need for one, mistrust which will never make a relationship thrive and doubt, which makes the relationship a shallow one.
Relationships no matter how we try, may at times bring sadness. The sadness is evidence enough that the relationship was deep. One ought to go through the sadness and come out as pure gold. However, one must not build his future relationships on fear of being betrayed, doubt, mistrust, and suspicion. Such a relationship will be shallow, will not yield deep joy and it is bound to fail. We must let go of the past and give ourselves a chance to experience better relationships. This is the reality we must learn to face.